Lost Is Our Homecoming (Team ShaZaM)

Quite accustomed to sleepless nights, Maggie thought last night's ruckus was quite easy to rest through. She never got any real sleep, but all she needed was a little shut eye for five or ten minutes every now and then. In fact, complete silence was more unsettling to her than the constant ear-splitting decibels of evening-long noise. You never knew what to expect in long stretches of quietness. Silence reminded her of home. She didn’t want to be reminded of home.

However, she knew Shiv’s temper tantrum (because being faced with the horrifying revelation of familial abandonment was considered a ’temper tantrum’ to Maggie) upset Zeke, so she gave him suggestions to get her to shut up.
But apparently her idea of discipline was ‘fucking insane’, as Zeke called it. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” seemed to be a byword for “No, Maggie”.
It was weird: sensory deprivation always worked for her; she was sure it would work for Shiv too.

If Zeke disapproved, then Maggie willingly obliged. All in all, she followed Zeke’s orders like a good soldier. Now she was acting like a pack mule carrying the precious load of ‘annoying, bratty monkey child’ while he led them to… somewhere-- who knows? Wherever it was, Zeke must've had a good reason to be leading them through this endless maze of urban confusion to get them there. Shiv hardly weighed a thing, and at least she was quiet now.

Until she asked that silly question. Maggie never thought the purple skies were anything particularly intriguing. Usually, the skies over Wayne were likewise a murky lavender color, tainted with dark, mauve clouds. The closest they got to a normal Earth-like sky was at high-noon some days when the sky shone a pale, bright lilac. But even that was rare. She could count on her left hands how many times it was ever ‘bright’ in Wayne, and ‘bright’ was always more like ‘clear’.

“What color are the skies where you’re from, kid?” Maggie asked, looking back at the monkey child clinging to her giant ass. She didn't seem very amused with anything, but unlike Zeke, she was quite far from pissed off. She was just bored.

Why even care that the skies are colored what they are? That sort of thinking was reserved to scientists or Priests.

Her ‘father’? Maggie wondered if Shiv meant her biological father, or her patriarch-- who was more like her great ‘who knows how many generations removed’-x grandfather. It wasn’t like Shiv would understand either though. Zeke didn’t even understand, and he too was descended from demons too. He called them ‘gods’, but demons always called themselves gods. Demons were prideful beings, full of hubris and daddy problems. The Hellenistic pantheon was a prime example of this! But Umbershaw said that Ares wasn’t always such a terrible demon-- he used to be his right-hand man before the Fall.

But all that aside, if Zeke didn’t get it, then the strange monkey girl certainly wouldn’t.

“Well, the Father Shadow endowed us with a lot of power-- we are his descendents after all, but I don’t think ass and titties was one of them,” Maggie stated with a shrug. She then smiled looking back at her. “This is all me, Shivers.”

Of course Zeke shouted her down, and Maggie simply didn’t care enough to say anything else. Especially since the suggestion was a joke. Unless he actually wanted to drive the car into the library. Then she was okay with that too. Whatever the boss said.

“Ass and titties,” she finally said a minute after his meltdown as she walked into the library.

While on the outside the library looked like any other plain-faced public establishment, it hid a dark secret inside. Like the naughty librarian in all those triple x-rated videos, it was actually…

A sex shop. And not just any sex shop. It was Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium of adult toys. The shelves were stacked with pornos of all kinds. Straight, lesbian, gay, bi, trans, non-binary sexual preferences-- catering to both various fetishes and paraphelias and more mainstream, vanilla acts alike. They were all stored VHS, DVDs, Blu-ray, and several other video formats that nobody in their party would recognize. At the center were rows of lingerie and other ‘sexy’ clothes, like ‘sexy nurse’, ‘sexy schoolgirl’, ‘sexy cop’, ‘sexy sasquatch’, ect. And in body-positive shapes and sizes too, just in case you wanted to imagine an 800 pound woman in lacey thong. There were giant display cases on every wall of male toys, female toys, unisex toys. Dildos, vibrators, butt plugs, anal beads, penis pumps, fleshlights, and several other things that the writer of this post doesn’t want to list or research. There were two rooms on either side of the shop, holding a plethora of delights (probably sex dolls, since none were exhibited outside) behind each poster covered door.
It was a truly magnificent collection. If variety was the spice of life, then this would be the erotic curry of vitality. And like an erotic curry of vitality, half the toys in this fucking place looked like it would give you a bad case of anal seepage too.

“O Great Leader, what a wondrous bounty to which you delivered us,” Maggie said, snickering. She was on the edge of bursting into hysterics, but she kept her amusement at ‘preteen boy chuckling at the ‘dick’ sound in the word 'dictionary’ level.

Maggie knew Zeke would be gazing at the marvels before them, so she grabbed a bottle of lube from the closest counter when he wasn’t looking at her. It was only a matter of timing her sticky assault now.

And once he turned his back to high-tail it out of there, (which she was certain he'd do within mere seconds upon realizing they're in a sex shop) Maggie would rip a ridiculously huge phallus off the wall and smack him with that later too.

It would be hilarious, in only the way a frat boy would find it hilarious.